Police thwart ‘Party Popper Bomber’

Police after the event

A suicide bomber primed to detonate 500 party poppers in a crowded London tourist spot failed because her explosives were quickly spotted and identified by a vigilant police officer, said a Home Office spokesman.

The terrorist suspect, who is now being held at London’s Paddington Green Police Station, managed to set off only one of the poppers before being wrestled to the ground by an off-duty police officer shopping with his wife in Covent Garden. ‘It was lucky she was wearing the poppers outside her burka,’ said PC Bill Watson, ‘otherwise it could have been 9/11 all over again. I just thought there was something suspicious about a woman wearing a burka festooned with hundreds of brightly coloured party poppers.’

Police say they have since found an arsenal of weapons after raiding the so-called ‘Party-Popper Bomber’s’ flat in East London,. ‘We discovered hundreds of highly inflated balloons, several confetti guns and some disappointing indoor fireworks. We immediately evacuated the area,’ said Detective Inspector Tim Sweeney of the Met’s Terrorism Unit. ‘In sufficient quantities, those smoking monkeys and serpents cauldrons could have caused a major incident. You know, if there had been enough terrorists to light them all at once.’

Examination of CCTV footage shows that the bomber was careful to buy the party poppers in small amounts and at different shops so as not to arouse suspicion. ‘We have also learned that the terrorist experimented with a variety of explosives before settling on becoming the Party Popper Bomber.’ She had apparently planned to prick hundreds of balloons tied to her body but on the way to her target she gave up and went home because passengers on the bus were laughing at her. ‘She decided against an attack with confetti guns as too untidy and an attack with champagne corks as too costly and contrary to her religious stand on purchasing alcohol.’

The party poppers were later safely detonated using a robot from the Army’s Party Popper Disposal Squad.

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2009 by

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