FIA, the governing body of Formula 1 motorsport, today announced that starting with this weekend’s Malaysian Grand Prix there would be new rules to make the races resemble the experience shared by the average motorist. The cars, which cost millions of pounds to develop, and can accelerate to 100mph in less than two seconds will now be forced to negotiate a route which involves speed bumps and contra-flows. Other obstacles on the course will involve lorries pulling out without warning and family saloons towing a four berth caravan.
The Formula One cars will also be made two seaters, with the second seat to be occupied by an elderly relative who needs to stop for a ‘comfort break’ every couple of laps. ‘It’s the most exciting thing to happen in years’ said Max Mosley. ‘Whereas drivers used to take pit stops to refuel this is now replaced by a Texaco service station where drivers will queue behind veteran motorists who are unable to remember their PIN and have to ring their wife to obtain the number.’
‘Our final measure is to make the pit stops a bit more realistic, with Lewis Hamilton having to call the AA if he needs a mechanic. The Automobile Association say that they will aim to get a van out within a couple of hours ‘although it’s been very busy recently’. Formula One fans are said to be very excited about the changes. ‘We are not saying there is a greater chance of exciting pile ups’ said one, ‘but I’m reserving a spot where the drivers come down the straight at a 125mph, and then all slam on the brakes when they spot the speed cameras.’