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Britain’s most gullible man calls for April 1st restraint

for some of us, the first twelve hours of April every year are a living hellLondoner, Brian Kirkby, who last year beat over 4,000 other contestants to be crowned Britain’s Most Gullible Man 2008, has asked the public to ‘please exercise a little restraint this coming April Fool’s day’.

Speaking early this morning from outside BBC Television Centre, where he had been invited to appear on today’s edition of the BBC Breakfast show (or so he believed), Mr Kirkby made this impassioned plea on behalf of the gullible; ‘I’m here today to speak up for the credulous amongst us. Apparently a thousand people die of heart attacks every day after being told that the government are painting the white cliffs of Dover black because they’re racist. People don’t realise that for some of us, the first 12 hours of April every year are a living hell – or the first five hours if you are using the new decimal 10-hour day that the government have apparently announced.’

Thirty-seven-year old Mr Kirkby, who works in the offices of the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards investigating complaints regarding MPs’ expenses, has asked that severe gullibility be listed as a recognised disability. ‘If the government are giving out Disabled Parking Badges to people with ginger hair and Welsh accents, as I was told, then why not the Chronically Credulous? I went to see my MP about this but he said that apparently the problem is that the word ‘gullible’ has been taken out of the dictionary, which frankly I find outrageous.’

Mr Kirby said the tradition of deliberately deceiving people was very stressful for his wife and his young children, who unusually for the offspring of a white couple all appear to be mixed race. ‘My wife told me that none of them were mine this morning. But don’t worry, I’m not that gullible, and I haven’t forgotten what the date is!!’

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Posted: Apr 1st, 2009 by AdrianJ

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