The Vatican has announced that Easter, the holiest festival in the Christian calendar, will this year be celebrated in October to avoid a clash with the Pope’s spring holiday plans. ‘There are some cracking deals on offer,’ said a spokesman today, ‘and as Easter is a moveable feast, his Holiness felt it would be an ex-communicable sin to miss out on some cut-price, late-season snowboarding.’
The spokesman also revealed that the church is to begin celebrating Christ’s official, as well as his actual, birthday. This happens to fall on the August bank-holiday weekend, weather permitting, and newly-issued Catholic doctrine makes clear that a beach party is an acceptable form of religious observance. The holding of choir boys’ wet-robe competitions, however, remains a matter for one’s own conscience.