Unconfirmed reports circulating the Reading offices of telecoms solutions provider Hodge & Hughes indicate that Michelle Craig, a new member of the office accounts department, is ‘almost certainly at it’ with marketing manager Derek Hatch.
Details of the nature of the relationship remain unclear, but reports from approximately half of the staff at the office have suggested that the ‘sleazy-looking tosser’ is ‘definitely shagging’ the 24-year-old blonde who is described as ‘bubbly, friendly and smiley’. Meanwhile a roughly equal number of witnesses have remarked that ‘the new girl didn’t take long to get her claws into Derek’.
While the reports of the circumstances of the relationship vary widely, individuals have also reacted to the news differently, with Oliver Bridges, a networks project manager, claiming he fails to see what the attractive and obviously intelligent young woman can see in the 31-year-old ‘vain and arrogant wideboy’. ‘I’d have thought she would go for someone with a bit more sophistication, gravitas and life experience’ said the 47-year-old father of two, who once had a conversation with Ms Craig about his recent scuba diving trip to Australia, ‘I guess there’s no accounting for women!’.
Meanwhile Jessica Harwood, Head of the HR department, claimed it was unsurprising that the new girl had ‘made a beeline for the only presentable bloke in the entire office’ although she cast doubt on the prospect of the relationship blossoming, ‘we all know what Derek’s like after a couple of drinks at an office party. Game for anything. Isn’t that right, Hels?’ However, Helen White, Harwood’s apparently very busy assistant, was not available for comment.
Despite different accounts of the unfolding events, there was widespread acceptance that the relationship was undoubtedly sexual already. ‘Well, it’s a free country, I suppose,’ noted project manager Bridges, ‘Why shouldn’t two lonely people grab whatever chance they get for a bit of happiness?’ he continued, as he glanced expectantly in the direction of Harwood from HR who, reports suggest, hasn’t had a boyfriend for ages.