A group of Christian research scientists in Massachusetts announced this week that they had managed for the first time to split God into his component parts. God is believed to have existed in the conditions immediately prior to the Big Bang.
They made the discovery using a machine called the Holy Smoke Chamber. A fragment of the True Cross was accelerated to 40% the speed of light and collided with a King James Bible. The 25m wide device is cooled by a constant stream of holy water.
According to Christian scientific theory, God is composed of three smaller particles called father, son and holy spirit. The experiments has been criticised by others, however, who claim that earlier work by Revelation et al suggests that recreating the son particle on earth could trigger a process known as ‘armageddon’, which potentially could wipe out Life on Earth.