Market Report; giving it 150% no longer good enough

Junk improving

Not long after its much trumpeted introduction, the A* has today been officially downrated to equivalence to the old A, or roughly the level of the traditional pass mark. A decision regarding the addition of further stars has been deferred, pending examination of new evidence from the hotel sector which suggests that foreign stars are not worth the same as they are at home. A new AAA rating is being considered as an alternative, although in grey market trading this has already been given junk status. Junk itself is improving, having picked up from its recent historical low.

The pass mark has continued to decline, given the requirement that failure is not an option, and is soon expected to reach parity with the zero. An investigation into the zero has been demanded, and the chances of its avoiding becoming negative are reported to be less than zero. Not an option has held firm and has appreciated against the option, which has recently been downgraded to a choice between worthless alternatives.

The percent has been further devalued with the news from the reality TV sector that 150% effort is no longer good enough. The 1990s ultimate level of 110% has in recent years become the norm, roughly equivalent to 50% under the old gold standard, but on the latest news has been downgraded to less than satisfactory.

Satisfactory is now unacceptable, while conversely acceptable is now unsatisfactory. Working towards now means doing nothing, as does doing everything we can. Looking into something now actually means not looking into anything, a further example of language entering negative territory, while extreme language continues to be devalued daily.

‘Fucking Hell’ has been rerated and is now approximately equal to the 1960s ‘blimey’ or the 1950s ‘gosh’. ‘Jesus Christ’ has fallen to equivalence with the 1960s ‘golly’, while the ‘golly’ has escalated and is trading at about 80% (in old money) of the N-word. The American ‘motherfucker’ continues its rapid decline. Being hung out to dry has been reduced to a short period of exposure followed by a cover up, while the cover up has become indistinguishable from the independent enquiry.

The gold standard has long been meaningless, while the yellow metal itself continues to increase in price measured in dollars, meaning that its value is indeterminate but probably declining. In the red is now normal, while in the black has become almost unattainable. Black remains the new black, and experts are coming to regard this as one of the few absolutes, and in tomorrow’s report we investigate calls for a new black standard.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2009 by

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