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Archive for April, 2009

Publisher launches ‘Competitive Parent’ magazine

'William's very advanced for his age'‘Competitive Parent’, the ambition-by-proxy magazine for modern mums and dads, launched in Kensington last night amid celebration that Britain is finally ready to embrace the instinctive one-upmanship that for too long has been taboo in polite society.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2009
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Market Report; giving it 150% no longer good enough

Junk improvingNot long after its much trumpeted introduction, the A* has today been officially downrated to equivalence to the old A, or roughly the level of the traditional pass mark. A decision regarding the addition of further stars has been deferred, pending examination of new evidence from the hotel sector which suggests that foreign stars are not worth the same as they are at home. A new AAA rating is being considered as an alternative, although in grey market trading this has already been given junk status. Junk itself is improving, having picked up from its recent historical low.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2009
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Shopkeepers near UKIP leader’s home pretending not to speak English

goodbye please
‘what what? Goodbye please?’’

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2009
More from Politics



Elderly couple’s stay on traffic island enters its 9th hour

Always dressed for a cold snapMr and Mrs Etheridge, an 82-year-old couple from Banstead in Surrey, were this afternoon coming to regret their decision to shun the traffic lights and attempt an unplanned crossing of the B2219.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2009
More from News In Brief



Man admits to buying small car to compensate for enormous penis

One lady ownerGenerously-endowed John ‘Holmes’ Harrison initially told acquaintances that he bought his 2008 Ford Ka for its road-handling, unique design features and ability to park in tight spots, but friends quickly saw through the story.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2009
More from News In Brief