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Archive for April, 2009

Irishman claims Guinness consumed in local Wetherspoons ‘far superior’ to back home in Donegal

Michael O’Patrick, 59, of Bexleyheath in Kent, yesterday told astonished locals in The Moon Under Water pub that he much preferred their popular stout than the one he grew up on, in the green hills of Donegal. ‘Its all about the water,’ he explained, ‘and this simply tastes slightly less like burnt coffee than the stuff we got in Donny. It’s OK to be Irish, for sure, but no one does a pint of Guinness like a Wetherspoons in Kent.’

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2009
More from News In Brief



Ambulance service outsourced to bus and courier companies

arriva-ambulanceHailed as ‘another triumph of public-private partnership’, it was announced that NHS ambulance services are to be outsourced to a joint venture initiative between Arriva Bus and NextDay Couriers. Under the new 999ArrivaNextDay service, members of the public requiring hospitalisation will either be picked up from a bus stop or, if unable to make that journey due to their injuries, be collected by courier during the ‘Morning’ (8am to 1pm) or ‘Afternoon’ (1pm to 6pm) for next day delivery.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2009
More from Health, UK News



Ofsted report slams School of Hard Knocks

Educational standards at The School of Hard Knocks are in steep decline according to the latest Annual Performance Assessment report from Ofsted…

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2009
More from News In Brief



Al-Qaeda ‘subjected to cyber bullying’

As the government calls for increased monitoring of social networking sites such as Facebook for signs of terrorist activity, Al-Qaeda have complained that they are becoming the subject of ‘Cyber bullying’ on the internet.

‘It’s horrible sobbed Sheikh Said, sitting on his bed in his secret hideout on the Afghan/Pakistan border. ‘It’s like, I started up this Facebook page? And then all these people wrote real nasty stuff on it.’

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2009
More from News In Brief



Marketing manager ‘almost definitely shagging’ new woman in accounts

office-coupleUnconfirmed reports circulating the Reading offices of telecoms solutions provider Hodge & Hughes indicate that Michelle Craig, a new member of the office accounts department, is ‘almost certainly at it’ with marketing manager Derek Hatch.

Details of the nature of the relationship remain unclear, but reports from approximately half of the staff at the office have suggested that the ‘sleazy-looking tosser’ is ‘definitely shagging’ the 24-year-old blonde who is described as ‘bubbly, friendly and smiley’. Meanwhile a roughly equal number of witnesses have remarked that ‘the new girl didn’t take long to get her claws into Derek’.

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2009
More from Features, UK News