Satan releases DNA results to prove no link with Mandelson

A triumphant Satan held a press conference yesterday, after a DNA test proved he has no genetic link to Peter Mandelson. Flanked by his media advisors, including Max Clifford, Mr Beelzebub, better known as Satan, issued a short statement outside the DNA testing facilities near London Bridge Hospital.

Shaking with emotion, and choking back tears, he read a short speech to the assembled aggrievance of journalists: ‘Hopefully, this test will end all speculation, and I can put this dreadful episode behind me and get on with my life,’ said the devil, AKA The Devil.

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