Scientists have put down the rapid spread of Swine Flu to the millions of people watching an infected YouTube clip of Britain’s Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle. The announcement was made in the British Medical Journal after days of intensive analysis of the new strain of influenza and the behaviour patterns of those who had caught it.
‘This is the nightmare scenario we’ve all been dreading’ said Chief Medical Officer Sir Liam Donaldson. ‘The day that a flu virus developed resistance to computer anti-virus software.’ It seems that an infected clip was uploaded soon after the Scottish spinster shocked judges and viewers by having an attractive voice but not a particularly attractive appearance. ‘This was such a radical new idea in the entertainment industry that millions of people logged on to YouTube to watch her performance, not realising that they were infecting their computers and themselves with the A(H1N1) virus.’
Although scientists are working hard to develop an antidote to halt the internet pandemic, they say that they will not able to diseminate it without an equally popular YouTube clip that millions of people can be guaranteed to watch. Britain’s Got Talent producers have suggested a direct contrast to Susan Boyle; a pretty young lady with a rubbish singing voice, but there are concerns that this may not have quite the same novelty value. They were also offered an unattractive person with an unattractive voice, but again, doctors were not convinced this would get the numbers.
In the meantime, the advice from the Chief Medical Officer is to avoid watching YouTube or Britain’s Got Talent, avoid shaking hands, hugging or indeed kissing. ‘So ironically Susan Boyle remains one of the least likely people to catch it.’