City built on Rock and Roll ‘may not be structurally sound’

contract went to the aging white rock band ‘Starship'.

Concerns are growing regarding certain building practices in the mid-1980s in which traditional building foundations such as reinforced concrete or solid bedrock were eschewed for a modern genre of popular music. Urban planners recall how in 1985 that Los Angeles was looking to rebuild large parts of the city and considered a number of bids from architectects and experienced building corporations. However to everyone’s surprise the contract went to the aging white rock band ‘Starship.’

‘Back then, people seemed to think that that anything was possible,’ said Neville Bradshaw, head of the commission set up to investigate the validity of non-traditional city design techniques. ‘Cities in the sky they said, and a robot to make your dinner and do the Hoovering. Then to cap it all, this group of rockers came along singing about building a city on nothing more than Rock and Roll!’

No one expected the planning department to even consider this unconventional proposal, but the cost implications attracted the attention of the cash-strapped city’s accountants. ‘Of course everyone who was not in the know got very excited,’ said Bradshaw, ‘thinking this was the end of costly and complex demographic studies and utility planning. Just build whole cities on an abstract concept – on a sound, a type of hard to define modern music.’

In addition, witnesses recall that the band’s presentation was much easier to understand for everyone in the Mayor’s office who knew nothing about building or architecture. Awkward questions as to the durability of rock music as a building material were answered with very confident assertions from fellow rock musicians who claimed that ‘Rock and Roll will never die’ and that ‘Rock and Roll is here to stay.’ ‘I remember them all looking really impressed by that,’ said the Mayor’s secretary. ‘But by then the planning meeting had kinda degenerated; all the guys were pretending to play the guitar and shaking their heads up and down.’

StarshipUnfortunately Los Angeles lies on the San Andreas fault and the commission has concluded that ‘Rock and Roll’ may not provide adequate foundations in the event of even a minor earthquake. During a minor tremor last week, a number of homes were destroyed in the west of the city. The now semi-retired rockers of Starship, happened to be listening back to their most successful record at full volume at their home in Beverly Hills when walls collapsed and the roof caved in. After they were rescued from the rubble, one band member was heard to slur ‘Yeah man, that rocks!’

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Posted: May 4th, 2009 by

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