Hoping to cash in on the popularity of survivalists such as Ray Mears and Bear Grylls, the BBC has unveiled an exciting new adventure show which pits indigenous tribesmen from some of the most hostile places on Earth against the strange and frightening environment of a luxury 5-star hotel. According to the BBC’s latest press release, ‘Out of the Wild’ represents a radical re-imagining of the survival documentary. ‘Watch as native peoples such as the Amahuaka from the Amazon Basin, the K!ung San Bushmen of the Kalahari and the Oruks of Siberia adapt to life in the Majestic Hotel, Borehamwood, just a few miles from Elstree Studios.’
‘As soon as they are shown to their suite, they will be presented with the challenge of tipping the porter without looking miserly or overly ostentatious’ says the show’s producer Charlie Pryor; ‘A major trial if you have hitherto only used cowry shells or bits of reindeer antler for currency.’
The show also aims to challenge tribal notions of social etiquette as these indigenous pioneers grapple with the correct utilisation of cutlery at the Hotel’s à la carte restaurant. ‘Whalebone hooks and bamboo sticks will be child’s play compared to the proper use of fish knives and pastry forks.’ says Pryor. ‘Those that prove adept at this complicated skill will also be tested on their ability to surreptitiously eye up attractive waitresses.’
Tribesmen will then be introduced to a group of local television executives, who will teach them the requisite camouflage techniques required to make empty chocolate bar wrappers and drink bottles seem full, so that it looks like the mini bar hasn’t been touched. They will also learn to patiently stalk the receptionist, chatting her up so that any adult films they have watched are shown on their bill as ‘refreshments’, before obtaining a ream of blank receipts from the taxi driver on the way back to the airport in order to fiddle their expenses claim.
‘Out of the Wild’ is due to go out on Friday although the Amahuaka elders have still not signed the release form insisting that moral rights are asserted in line with the WGGB/PACT agreement and that non-terrestrial residuals be allocated through the ALCS. ‘As I say, these guys are like, really primitive’ said Pryor.