NewsBiscuit

U.S. homeland security officers were on the defensive today after claims that they had been forewarned about the possibility of last week’s wave of so-called ‘puddy-cat’ attacks. The denial follows claims from celebrity canary turned whistle-blower Tweetie Pie that he had alerted them to the possibility on numerous occasions. Mr Pie says that his warnings were met with a ‘blanket of indifference’ from the authorities. He also claims that he was strongly warned against singing to the media and accused of ‘spweading panic and distwess’.

A U.S. government spokesman said that they receive literally thousands of alarming warnings about all sorts of bizarre things’; dangerous rakes that might get trodden on and smash a cat in the face if he was chasing a mouse’, and even one about a coyote tipping a giant rock into a ravine. ‘It is not surprising that every now and then a genuine danger is overlooked’ said a spokesman. ‘However Mr Pie’s story was incredibly vague’ ‘Our minutes from the meeting record that all he could tell us was that he ‘tawt he had seen a puddy-tat’, and after further questioning, that just said he had, he had; a claim that he then set to music. Frankly it gave us very little to go on.’

The minutes also record that the meeting was brought to an abrupt end after five minutes, by a pig bursting in through the door and saying ‘Th-th-th-that’s all folks!’

‘Every time there is an puddy-cat attack there are tweetie birds who claim to have predicted it’ said a Homeland Security statement issued later in the day. ‘The sad truth is that puddy-cat pwediction is still an impwecise science. The best advice is still to keep all blowtorches, fishing rods, stackable furniture, and twangy ironing boards carefully locked away.’

Posted: May 21st, 2009 by Skylarking