Basingstoke resident Reg Simpson, 64, has declared today that he doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. Renowned as Britain’s angriest man due to his daily outbursts on radio phone-ins, Reg has conceded that the MPs’ expenses scandal has placed a huge demand on his anger reserves, and that on top of ‘the general sorry state of things,’ it has just about finished him off.
‘I was hoping to retire this year after fifty years of being angry,’ said Reg today, ‘but at the moment it’s just one thing after another. This expenses business has really made me white-faced with anger, and it makes me even more angry to think there’ll be something else along next week to get furious about. At this rate, I’ll probably go angrily to my grave. It makes me crimson with rage.’
Scowling with disgust, Reg’s crimson-faced wife, Mavis, has said that watching her husband’s ordeal has left her close to blowing her top. Renowned as Britain’s most disgusted woman due her daily outbursts on radio phone-ins, Mavis, 63, said it disgusted her to see her husband crimson with rage at the thought of going angrily to his grave. ‘I’ve been disgusted now for over forty years, but never as disgusted as I feel today. It was bearable for Reg when it was just estate agents and journalists to get angry about, but lately if it’s not one thing it’s another: bankers, the BBC, and now MPs’ expenses. It’s so unfair to Reg. I’m absolutely disgusted.’
And a purple-faced Mr Simpson added that he was furious to see his wife so disgusted at her age. ‘At this rate, she’ll go disgusted to her grave. I can feel myself going purple-faced with fury,’ he said, heading to his phone to call his local radio station.
The sad plight of Mr and Mrs Simpson is particularly keenly felt by Joe Simpson, Reg’s brother, who has described their suffering as ‘a national scandal’. Renowned as Britain’s most scandalised man due to his daily outbursts on radio phone-ins, Joe said he felt absolutely outraged by MPs’ expense claims and the toll it was taking on his brother and sister-in-law. ‘It’s a scandal,’ he told his local radio station this morning, before joining Reg and Mavis for lunch with his elderly father, renowned as Britain’s most disappointed parent.