The Government and the male grooming industry have today agreed in principle to take whatever action is necessary to end the dangerous escalation in the razor blades race. Recent years have seen manufacturers of men’s shaving goods increasing the capability of their razors from 2 or 3 blades up to as many as 6 or 7, and there are now real fears that if it doesn’t stop soon, someone is going to get hurt.
‘It’s not right that men are simply allowed to carry these things around,’ said Business Secretary Peter Mandelson, the newly-moustachioed face of the Government’s ‘Stop the Shave Trade’ campaign. ‘Previous amnesties have seen thousands of 3 and 4-blade razors taken off the streets, but we now suspect their owners were simply moving onto the more deadly 5 and 7-blade razors. It’s just not right that these things are available over the counter and are then left around in homes without even so much as codes for the lock on the bathroom cabinet.’
It is understood that the major manufacturers of razors are set to agree an ambitious timetable to phase out multi-blades, with 7-blade razors to be out of service by 2015 and 5-blade devices decommissioned by 2020. But the scale of the challenge was underlined last night when Russia insisted that it could see no circumstances in which it would relinquish its arsenal of profile-enhancing agricultural scythes.
While international efforts are focused on finding a road-map to safe shaving, the Government admits that there is much to do to overcome the culture of multi-blade razor use. ‘Our message to these young men is that you are fine with an ordinary single-blade disposable,’ said Peter Mandelson. ‘You don’t need these 5, 6 and 7-blade beasts. Please don’t fall for the macho claims of the manufacturers.’
However, Mr Mandelson did admit when pressed that if a man reverted to a single-blade razor it would almost certainly mean that the pretty, underdressed woman who takes such pleasure in the quality of his shave would announce that she’s moving out. Though on the plus side, his bathroom would no longer be under a fighter-jet flight path.