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Halibut dies playing crazy golf

he was just rubbish with a driverAn 18-year-old fish has died while out playing mini-golf with a shoal of friends from Newquay in Cornwall. The tragedy took place yesterday afternoon on the 9-hole municipal ‘pitch ‘n’ putt’ course in Bridgwater, Somerset. The group of flat fish, including sole, plaice and dab, were believed to be on a Happy Days coach trip from the Barrier Reef Aquarium in Newquay and had apparently spent the day drinking heavily and causing trouble in the town before moving on to the golf course later in the day.

Witnesses say the trouble started in the morning when a fishmonger’s shop was attacked after one of the group recognised his uncle lying on a slab in the window, surrounded by ice and decorated with lemon wedges and parsley. In a separate incident, a van delivering potatoes to a local restaurant was surrounded by the mob and forced to offload its cargo of chips and frozen peas into the River Parrett. The shoal then moved on to the Fishermans Arms where fighting broke out with locals who apparently started waving worms at the fish and extending their arms, taunting them with exaggerated tales of the biggest mackerel they had ever caught.

It took emergency crews over an hour to find the dead halibut who is thought to have become de-hydrated and collapsed in the rough on the par 3 fairway. He was rushed to Taunton A&E but was pronounced dead on arrival. Chief Inspector Bob Davidson of the Avon and District Constabulary warned: ‘Although our sympathies go out to the family of this halibut, we would urge other fish visiting our town not to partake in land-based pastimes such as golf and crown green bowls as they are totally unsuitable for marine life.’

A short service will be held tomorrow at Bridgwater C of E before the halibut is filleted, lightly steamed and served on a bed of rice and asparagus tips.

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Posted: May 27th, 2009 by Kaspar Gutman

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