Virgin Leisure announced today that it will shortly not open a chain of completely non-existent gyms. The scheme is aimed at people who like the idea of joining a health club but can never be arsed to go.
‘Our market research has indicated that 70% of our members never bother turning up,’ said Sir Richard Branson at the non-launch. ‘Virgin Non-Existent will be a low priced alternative to a real gym. We’ll give all the same benefits as any other fitness club you don’t use. Members will be able to view healthy-looking and attractive models on the website and leaflets but at only GBP19.99 per month, it is 60% cheaper than many of our competitors, and yet gives exactly the same benefits to the non-user.’