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Pub closures down to landlords praising UKIP

A detailed study of the causes of public houses closures across the country has pinpointed the boring and bigoted conversation of publicans as the main cause. A survey of thousands of customers revealed that they had stopped going to their local pub due to endless wearisome tirades against the Euro, health and safety legislation and ‘political correctness gone mad’.

One typical customer reported going in for a quiet drink, only to have the landlord say ‘There; one pint of bitter, mind you we probably won’t be able to call it a pint much longer the way things are going, I see they’re banning red pillar boxes now because their racist against Red Indians apparently, next thing you know we won’t be allowed to paint swastikas on the Mosque.’

Hundreds of landlords are reportedly losing their jobs every month though it is hoped that many of them might find alternative employment when they are elected to the European Parliament to represent UKIP and the BNP.

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Posted: May 29th, 2009 by NewsBiscuit

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