Marmite soldiers to replace communion breads in Eucharist

Following the discovery of an image of Christ seen on the underside of a Marmite jar lid, Pope Benedict XVI has announced that the Eucharist will henceforth be celebrated with Marmite soldiers instead of the communion host.

The Catholic Church is also to develop a shrine at Burton-on-Trent opposite the factory that produces the popular savoury spread, which will eventually rival the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes in Southern France. However suggestions that there are plans to replace the communion wine with Coors Light, also produced in Burton, have been stringently denied by the Vatican.

‘No, we don’t plan to replace communion wine with lager, but a nice cup of hot Bovril is being considered’ said a spokesman for the Vatican.

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Posted: May 30th, 2009 by

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