Schoolboy Gary Bough declined to leave King Edward’s pool following his swimming class on Friday, insisting he ‘might just hang around for a minute or so’. The incident followed a brief speech to the class by 19-year-old lifeguard Katie Williams on safety in the pool which concluded with a warning, ‘you don’t want me having to straddle your chest and pump out your lungs!’.
Posted: May 22nd, 2009
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‘This is a major victory in our War on Prophylactics.’
Posted: May 22nd, 2009
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The Highways Agency announced proposals to make stopping at red traffic lights optional rather than mandatory, following publication of research showing that most motorists consider the ‘endless’ 50-second wait for lights to change to green a bigger inconvenience than the possibility of permanent injury or death.
Posted: May 21st, 2009
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Phil Marsden of North London insisted he was delighted to have seen his ex-girlfriend Hannah while he was in the laundrette reading an old copy of the Daily Star at 3pm on a Wednesday. ‘It was great to tell her how now I’ve ‘escaped the rat race’ I’m getting around to all those projects I’d planned — and that using the Suds-o-Mart actually has many environmental benefits’, he said.
Posted: May 21st, 2009
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‘After further questioning, that just said he had, he had; a claim that he then set to music. Frankly it gave us very little to go on.’
Posted: May 21st, 2009
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