Hollie Steel who won the nation’s heart singing Edelweiss on Britain’s Got Talent is to be appointed as the new Home Secretary in a desperate bid to stop everybody attacking the government. The plucky ten year old who broke down in tears after losing her way half way through the Sound of Music classic is believed to have minimal political experience, but in the current climate, the Prime Minister has judged that this may be to his government’s advantage.
David Cameron at first seemed unsure how to react to the surprise appointment, eventually praising it by ad-libbing that ‘this little girl has got nerves of steel, and, erm, her name is Hollie Steel.’ Another MP said that they hoped the appointment of a ten year old might go some way to ending late night sittings in the House of Commons as the new Home Secretary was normally in bed by eight.
Hollie performed well at Home Office Questions in the Commons yesterday, answering difficult points about crime figures, asylum seekers and government policy on DNA records. In the public gallery Amanda Holden clutched her hands to her chest anxiously mouthing along with every word. But half way through a complex answer on prison over-crowding Hollie suddenly forgot her lines and broke down in tears. Embarrassed at watching a ten year old cry live on the Parliament Channel, MPs cheered and applauded, while Ant and Dec were rushed into the chamber to give her a reassuring hug and ask her if she wanted to start again.
However Gordon Brown’s hopes that Hollie’s appointment would see an end to his current difficulties were dashed with the publications of the Daily Telegraph’s latest revelations. It transpires that Hollie has already flipped her Accrington home, and put in expenses claims for thousands of pounds worth of Bratz dolls, pony magazines and pink plastic jewellery.