NewsBiscuit

Buckinghamshire residents have voiced their concern about the long campaign by local grocer Bob Cardwell to ‘Save the Pounds and Ounces.’ Minutes of a parish meeting have revealed, that though the village was in initially in favour of Mr Cardwell’s stance, they are now, ten years on, finding it a ‘bit of a pain in the arse.’

Despite a ruling earlier this month that British shops can continue to sell in pounds and ounces indefinitely, Bob still seems determined to continue his ‘metric martyr’ campaign. Pensioner Mary Greene, a customer of Bob’s for thirty years, said ‘Maybe he’s actually just a racist, I was in one week and he just started going on about the French, something about there being no horses in his pies. Frankly, who gives a shit? He ranted about Brussels so long that I missed the start of ‘Deal or no Deal’, maybe I’ll just go to the supermarket next time, not a word of English between them at the meat counter but at least they’re quick.’

Ironically Bob was prosecuted last month by the weights and measures dept of the Office of Fair Trading. He had originally denied the charge until the prosecution said that he had put 85 grams of dried fruit under his scale to short weigh customers, Bob exploded with rage in the dock and screamed ‘it was three ounces.’

Another long-standing customer commented ‘Who cares? I pretty much know that a pound is just about half a kilo, so what! It was the same with decimalisation; after a few weeks you just get used to it. Even a combination of the two systems isn’t that difficult. My husband’s a builder and regularly buys 3 metres of 2×2. There are bigger things to worry about for God’s sake.’

Bob was defiant and vowed to continue his protest he claimed that ‘if you give these French bastards an inch they’ll take 1609.3 metres.’

Posted: Jun 4th, 2009 by Team Biscuit