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Telegraph withdraws expense claim allegations ‘after doing the figures again’

all down to student on work experienceThe Daily Telegraph has issued a front-page apology over the expenses allegations after discovering that its political staff ‘hadn’t read the second column correctly.’

‘In recent weeks, we may have given the impression that the House of Commons is stuffed to the rafters with filthy, rapacious grubbers sponging off the taxpayer to feed their indolent lives of immoral luxury,’ the newspaper’s editorial declares. ‘In fact, it turns out that the whole story was written up by a spotty 17-year-old intern who couldn’t read the figures properly and left out the middle column of numbers. Our MPs are in fact the same fine group of distinguished gentlemen and ladies that they have always been. We hope the mistake hasn’t caused any inconvenience.’

scrutiny to end

scrutiny to end

Admitting that the intern had now returned to a local college to complete his education, the Telegraph’s editor explained that, after double-checking the expenses claims, ‘it turns out that all these claims are totally above board, and in fact it turns out that the taxpayer owes the Commons about fifty quid overall.’

Like all the M.P.s in Westminster Gordon Brown was said to be very understanding about the mistake. ‘Not to worry…’ he said ‘These little adding up mistakes happen all the time. ‘Alistair and I were just looking at the accounts book again and wondering if we hadn’t made a silly little adding up mistake. It turns out there might not have been a credit crunch after all!’

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Posted: Jun 7th, 2009 by The Paper Ostrich

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