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E.U. voters deliver damning indictment of complex issues

demands for simpler, more straightforward issues British voters casting their votes in the elections for the European Parliament have sent a clear message to the politicians that they are solidly against them ‘going on about really complicated stuff that we don’t really understand’. A demand for simpler, more straight forward issues is the recurring theme that is emerging from the results across the country.

‘How would the European Charter of human rights affect employment prospects in Britain’s service industries?’ asked Colin Taylor one of the voters interviewed outside his polling station on Thursday, ‘I haven’t got the foggiest; it’s all far too subtle and nuanced for me, and I deeply resent the fact. For this reason I’ll be making a futile protest vote with one of those extreme little parties who have clearly thought about all that stuff even less than I have.’

It was a sentiment shared by local greengrocer Sheila Halbery: ‘I keep asking myself how the planned 2014 redistribution of national voting weights will effect the economic implications of the Lisbon treaty for the UK workforce. And then I realise I have no idea what the Lisbon treaty is … It’s time that our politicians stopped telling us all this stuff that we don’t understand, and then expecting us to vote for them. Until then, I’m voting UKIP for no discernable reason.’

‘These findings can be seen as a shot across the bows of the current three party system’ explained Graham Powell, head of political polling at MORI. ‘The electorate is saying ‘How dare you take millions of pounds of taxpayers’ money, and spend it on schemes and policies that we don’t really grasp.’ The big message from the electorate seems to be ‘Stop making us look stupid or suffer the consequences.”

smurfThe Conservatives have gone on a last minute door-to-door offensive, trying to explain the difference between the Maastricht and Lisbon treaties by dividing up a Sara Lee gateau between plastic Smurf toys. Their efforts appear to be in vain though; ‘I appreciate that they’re making an effort’ said arc welder Ron Sizewell after a visit from his local Tory MEP ‘but we have a long tradition in this household: my father, and his father before him, has always made a pointless protest vote at European and Council elections. However, I will now go online and read the re-drafted European Services directive, just as soon as I’ve finished this delicious slab of Mandarin cheesecake.’

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2009 by Skylarking

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