Gordon Brown’s appointment of celebrity businessman Alan Sugar to his government backfired yesterday when the star of The Apprentice summoned the Prime Minister to the board room and declared ‘You’re fired!’
‘Quite frankly, I’ve never had to put up with a more disappointing candidate,’ Sir Alan told him. ‘I don’t know how you’ve ended up as Prime-Minister. Did anyone vote for you? I certainly didn’t. To put it bluntly, everything you’ve been put in charge of has been a mess. You’ve been given a chance as Chancellor, and you’ve spent all the money you had, plus plenty you didn’t. Then, for some reason I still don’t understand, you’ve ended up with your team ‘choosing’ you for Prime Minister, and that’s when everyone really saw what a useless oaf you are.’
Gordon tried to interupt to half-heartedly defend himself, but Lord Sugar continued tearing him to pieces for leading the government into disarray. ‘Half your team have walked out on you. When it comes to tackling the other teams you’re up against, you’ve been dreadful; they seemed to spend every Wednesday just laughing at you.’
In the long-running TV show, millions of viewers had watched Gordon repeatedly bungle simple challenges, until he lost the confidence of those around him. He remained determined to stay in charge and in what he had hoped would be a masterstroke hired TV star Alan Sugar to weed out any dead wood in his organisation. ‘But at the end of this sorry saga…’ commented one cabinet minister, ‘you’d have to say that perhaps Gordon’s biggest mistake was to hire someone who was most famous for sacking useless people.’
Brown is apparently undaunted and now plans to outline his plans for economic recovery on Britain’s Got Talent, in order to get a glowing endorsement from Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan.