NewsBiscuit

A husband has made a formal complaint to OfCom, after his wife of 15 years has failed to embark on a single affair, despite her prolific social networking.

‘It’s a disgrace,’ said John Doland, 43, of Southampton. ‘It started with Friends Reunited – everyone was at it on that one, but all her classmates remembered was that she smelt a bit like fish fingers.

‘The media virtually guaranteed her a torrid love affair and acrimonious divorce if she signed up to Facebook and furtively messaged away into the small hours of the morning. But all that hard work being mildly flirtatious and she’s not had so much as a suggestive Twitter. I never thought I would say this, but The Daily Mail has lied to me.

Mrs Doland declined to comment, but a close friend revealed: ‘Believe me: she’s just as disappointed as he is.’

Maryevans