Police today urged London parents to be ‘ever so careful’ to keep their offspring from walking on cracks in the pavement, after an 80% increase in paving-related bear attacks.
‘There seems to be a general lack of appreciation of the risks presented by the current crack-stepping craze’ warned Metropolitan Police youth liaison officer Sir James James Morrison-Morrison. ‘We can only urge greater vigilance by parents; young people are all too ready to experiment with crack-stepping, bringing with it tragic consequences. The sillies.’
On a day of stark warnings for Britain’s youth, the BMA have issued fresh evidence of the dangers of swallowing chewing gum, showing that ingesters face a 90% chance of the gum wrapping itself around the heart, causing instant death.
‘We need a concerted campaign of health education’ said BMA chairman Dr Hamish Meldrum ‘our young people are treating serious health dangers as mere playground myths: only last week I had to remove a full sized apple tree from the stomach of young man who had blithely swallowed a pip as a dare … It’s Truuue! I DID!!’