Stars from across the musical spectrum have used this years’s Glastonbury festival to speak out against a small number of disruptive young women, who sit on piggy-back in the crowd and expose their breasts during the sets. Bands as diverse as Crosby, Stills and Nash, Madness and Roots Manuva have all privately complained about being subjected to this upsetting spectacle, incidents of which were often accidentally caught by cameramen and projected onto the gigantic display screens that dot the main stages.
Rhythm guitarist Rick Parfitt of veteran rockers Status Quo said: ‘I was already to do our first ever experimental twelve-string guitar free-form impro when suddenly I was put off by this large pair of breasts jiggling about in front of me. I had no option but to fall back onto my tried and tested five chord technique.’
Tabloid picture editors have also complained of the topless fan syndrome. ‘It’s usually only after we have printed a picture of an average Glastonbury crowd that we suddenly notice there is a prominent topless young female right in the middle of the picture. For God’s sake, put your shirt back on!’