Guantanamo detainess to be sold as ‘perfect pets’ by US Military

Barack Obama has moved a step closer to shutting Guantanamo Bay, as he announced details of his ‘adopt a detainee’ programme.

US and British citizens are being offered a ‘modest allowance’ to keep adopted prisoners at home, as well as further grants to refurbish their houses to meet stringent security requirements.

‘Householders must have cellars and large bathrooms, which can cope with flooding should they be required to elicit a few details from them’  explained Colonel Jim Crow of the US Army at a press conference this morning ‘for which training will be provided. Owning a large dog would also be an advantage, but suitable animals can be supplied.’

‘Apart from that, it’s easy’ he added ‘You need to wake the prisoners up every two hours and feed them once a day. They go on about ‘special requirements’ from time to time, but you can ignore all that. They practically look after themselves – why I’ve even got a couple of them myself; my kids love ’em – they never tire of the ‘grenade behind the ear’ trick .’

Col Crow admitted that take up has so far been slow, though adds that they are following some promising inquiries from Austria.


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Posted: Jul 1st, 2009 by

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