Madonna has lost the first round of her court battle to adopt one of Angelina Jolie’s children. The singer has now vowed to take her case to the Supreme Court. Madonna bitterly attacked Jolie for reneging on a deal handing the destiny of all African orphans to her, while Jolie was free to save children from South East Asia.
‘I was baring my all to save the children of the world while that French-sounding tart was still a flat-chested schoolgirl wearing a beret and carrying bags of onions,’ Madonna fumed. The orphan in question, Zahara Marley was originally adopted by Jolie and Brad Pitt in Ethiopia when she was three months old. But Madonna told a federal court in New York last week that as a high-ranking star and Kabbalah guru, the child belonged to her.
The singer also argued that Jolie’s adoption was invalid because she has tattooed the wrong map co-ordinates for Zahara’s birthplace on her arm. She had got them confused with the address for Brad Pitt’s hairdresser, Madonna alleged. However Jolie hit back, saying that Madonna ‘couldn’t even point to her adopted children’s birthplace on a map – she thinks Malawi is a character from The Jungle Book.’
Jolie vigorously defended her right to keep Zahara, saying that she found her first and that it was one of the perks of being a Unicef ambassador that she was entitled to adopt any Third World children she liked the look of. New York Judge Hugh Bowen ruled that under international law, super-rich Hollywood stars could adopt any orphan they liked, and dismissed Madonna’s case.
Madonna was not available for comment after an appearance at London’s 02 Arena, where she performed ‘a special tribute to Michael Jackson’. Fans applauded as she injected herself with a lethal cocktail of drugs.
Fredd (punchline from Ludicity)