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‘Stop staring at our tits,’ complain middle-aged men

phwoar!Forty-something men have spoken out today against the objectification of their bodies by women who shamelessly ogle their man-breasts as they attempt to go about their daily lives. Men have reported being subject to wolf-whistles and lewd comments from passing women whose bulging eyes and turned heads make it all too clear what’s going through their minds.

‘It’s as if they think I’m a sex object put on earth solely for their gratification,’ spat 48-year-old Jim Watson today, founder of the action group Mitts Off Our Bodies (MOOBs). ‘I know women like a man with curves, a receding hairline and a progressively more illiberal world view, but please, show a little respect for yourselves! I’m not just a lump of meat, you know. There’s so much more to me than meets the eye. I’m a human being with feelings and needs and a waning libido.’

Jim is just one of many men complaining that his morning walk to the pub for opening time is being ruined by women office workers taking carefully co-ordinated ‘Diet Coke breaks’ and lining the pavements to feast on some eye candy. Crowds of women have also been spotted loitering at bus stops to get an eyeful of men’s jiggling assets as they run for the bus, while some will cynically drop their handkerchief so that when a man bends to pick it up they can peer down his top or sneak a peak at some hairy arse-cleavage.

Women, though, have been quick to dismiss claims of sexism. ‘If you want my opinion,’ said Germaine Greer today, ‘men are asking for it if they dress that way. They come into the office squeezed into skin-tight shirts, the buttons straining against their bulging flesh, and at the weekends its Bermuda shorts and those skimpy XXXL polo shirts. You tell me where we’re supposed to put our eyes.’

But middle-aged men have vowed to fight on until women’s demeaning attitudes are changed. After presenting a petition to Downing Street, Jim was joined in Parliament Square by the 58-year-old Prime Minister to address the assembled crowd, but there are fears their message may have been lost on the largely female audience. The ascent to the podium elicited from both men a series of involuntary grunts and farts, before they turned and waved to the crowd revealing generous sweat patches under each arm. The whole thing proved too much for a number of breathless women in the front row, one of whom was carried away by paramedics in a state of delirium claiming to have seen the ‘the greatest pair of tits ever.’

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Posted: Jul 12th, 2009 by Genghis Cohen

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