The Serious Fraud Office has launched a full-scale investigation into itself after it was discovered that its London headquarters were made from cardboard and all their staff were rubber mannequins. The investigation was announced by Secretary of State for Business, Lord Mandelson who said, ‘This has come as quite a shock but it is imperative that these claims are investigated by the relevant authority. I have therefore referred the Serious Fraud Office to itself.’
A public statement was later issued by a man claiming to be the head of the Serious Fraud Office, a Mr M. Mouse, who said: ‘This is a very serious allegation and I intend to investigate it fully. If it turns out that we don’t exist I shall be absolutely furious.’ Mr Mouse rejected suggestions that he might himself be counterfeit and said that his identity had been independently verified by his colleague, Mr D. Duck.
A number of professional criminals have already lodged complaints that their fraudulent activities were being unfairly investigated by a fictitious organisation. One fraudster said, ‘I don’t pay my taxes for this kind of thing to happen…in fact, come to think of it, I don’t pay my taxes.’ Another said, ‘I conducted my criminal activities in good faith, believing that the Serious Fraud Office were watching my every move, but now it turns out they don’t even exist. I feel let down and betrayed.’
The inquiry will be headed by Chief Investigating Officer, Keyser Soze. ‘It may take several months to conclude our inquiries’, said Mr Soze, ‘but that’s the problem with these imaginary organisations. One minute they’re there and then, like that…they’re gone.’