BBC Radio 4 announced today that fringe religions are to be given a voice on the religious comment slot on the Today news programme. ‘Humanists have long wanted to put their views across,’ said producer Quentin Farquarson, ‘but religious groups have insisted we retain a faith-based approach to the daily three-minute slot. This ought to keep everyone happy – apart from the atheists, of course. They’re never happy.’
Albert Moloch, a Satanist of 30 years, will be the first to make his debut on the programme. He has promised to deliver a message ‘underlining the importance of charity, tolerance and slaughtering all firstborns to ensure the sun rises each day’. It is the break Mr Moloch has been waiting for since gigs on the school assembly circuit dried up after he closed one appearance with an acoustic cover of Iron Maiden’s ‘Number of the Beast’.