An estate agent who agreed to surrender his immortal soul to the devil in return for a charmed existence has spoken of his frustration at its recent depreciation.
‘I should have read the small print,’ confessed Darren Johnson, 32, ‘but Satan was so persuasive and told me I couldn’t possibly lose. Problem is that when he was offering me wealth and beautiful women in return for the essence of my being, he forgot to mention that its value could go down as well as up.’
‘When I sold at the top-end last year I was minted with a gorgeous bird on my arm,’ he continued. ‘But these days I drink halves and it turns out Lola was a pre-op transsexual. Still, there are green shoots of recovery and hopefully this time next year I’ll have moved out of Mum’s conservatory.’