A splinter group of telephone counsellors have set up a rival service to The Samaritans, with a no-nonsense ethos surmised in their slogan, ‘Quit Yer Moaning’.
Based in Ripon, North Yorkshire, advisors dish out their unique brand of succour with phrases like ‘Never did me any harm’, ‘Shape up or ship out’ and ‘For God’s sake stop crying before I really give you something to cry about’.
The RS is actively recruiting volunteers, especially those with a nice line in ‘Call that a problem?’, ‘No wonder he left, you whingeing cow’ and ‘If you were really going to jump, you would have done it by now’.
The service has already attracted a large number of male callers in their fifties, all of whom concurred they’d be much improved for ‘a right good spanking’.
(cap duly doffed to arthurminnit)