‘It feels like they’ve been here for years,’ said Brian Sheldon, an indigene of the disputed territory. ‘They keep raising our hopes saying, ‘Well, we’d better be going,’ and ‘I’m sure you’ve got things to do’, but they never actually go.’
Posted: Jul 26th, 2009
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A massive deficit in the budget of the Department for Culture, Media and Sport has been shortlisted for this year’s prestigious Turner Prize.
Posted: Jul 26th, 2009
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A Home Office report today suggested that it was ‘highly likely’ Doctor Who star David Tennant would have his identity stolen by a younger man ‘within the year’.
Posted: Jul 25th, 2009
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In an historic day for justice, Britain’s first entirely automated criminal trial took place at the Old Bailey as Sir Michael Rake, chairman of British Telecom, was tried on charges of customer services abuses and corporate inhumanity to man. Standing in the dock of an empty courtroom, Rake was presented with the telephone which would be his only way of communicating with the faceless system deciding his destiny, and warned in advance that his trial may be recorded for training purposes.
After exchanging pleasantries with the control room, the astronauts were politely directed to a sign on the air-lock door saying ‘Formal dress only. No trainers or moon boots’.
Posted: Jul 24th, 2009
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