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Archive for July, 2009

West End musical flash mobbed by commuters

Last night’s high-energy and carefully choreographed performance of Priscilla Queen of the Desert was destroyed by a motley crowd of bored commuters wandering on stage, looking up train departure information and tapping their watches.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2009
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Mafia admits to controlling National Childbirth Trust

just one small part of a vast criminal empireThe Siclilian underworld has finally confirmed long-held suspicions that the prolific mother and baby groups organised by the NCT are in fact an elaborate front for a highly sophisticated criminal network, whose infamous ‘coffee mornings’ are a fig leaf for the administration of a vast criminal empire. Known to the initiated as the ‘Costa Nostra’, these violent clans convene most mornings at hot beverage outlets, particularly those with decent changing facilities.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2009
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War fans disappointed by new show about angry Vietnam vet

A new show on BBC about a disillusioned Vietnam vet who becomes a killing machine, and gets all the pussy he can handle, has proved a massive disappointment with war movie buffs.

Instead of witnessing punks get blown away, the BBC screened a show about an animal doctor in modern day Ho Chi Min.

‘He seemed to be either in regional health committee meetings, or putting down old cats,” complained a furious viewer.

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2009
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Police to tackle bike crime with new ‘Indifferent Squad’

New squad ‘will do a bit of paperwork on stolen bicycles the moment they have dealt with everything else’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2009
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National Trust’s multi-million electronic tagging project ‘proves stately homes do not migrate’

it was previously believed they spent the winter in AfricaA six-year research project costing £345m has proved conclusively that stately homes remain in the United Kingdom throughout the winter, the National Trust has announced. ‘After years of painstaking research, we are delighted to have absolute proof that none of our properties ever move south for the winter months,’ said National Trust director Dame Fiona Reynolds. ‘This conundrum has puzzled the British public for years, and we’re pleased to have a conclusive answer.’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2009
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