15-year-old Darren Pilkinton today described himself as ‘mortified’ after accidentally allowing a rubber prophylactic to slip from his wallet while queuing at the school tuck-shop with most of his male friends.
‘Nearly all of my contemporaries saw it and I certainly had some explaining to do’ commented a horror-struck Darren. ‘They all know I’m taking Hanna from 10C to see Harry Potter on Friday and, my goodness, I’d just hate for them to jump to the wrong conclusion that our relationship has already become sexual. Really, this unfortunate accident couldn’t have happened at a worse time.’
Darren said the the scope for misinterpretation has been compounded as he had just been confiding to his friends about how difficult school had been for Hanna as a very early developer, with many of her peers obviously jealous of her accelerated journey into womanhood. ‘God, I hope they didn’t think I was insinuating anything other than a concern for her personal and emotional development from that,’ said the worried adolescent.
Darren was also in hindsight concerned that when he explained that he’d got the condom from his older brother, he had not successfully conveyed that it was only in his possession because he hadn’t had a chance to return it after his more physically and emotionally mature sibling — who was at a stage in life where it would be healthy to explore his sexuality — had dropped it. ‘I told them I had no intentions of being anything other than a perfect gentleman on Friday,’ he said, ‘but I have a bit of a tic when I get nervous, and I do hope they didn’t think I was winking when I said that.’
Darren’s friends, however, were adamant it had never crossed their minds that their classmate was likely to become intimate with his Friday night date. ‘Darren was horrified at the thought that he might have inadvertently impugned Hanna’s character,’ commented his best friend Terry, ‘but we reassured him that we would not read anything in to such an innocent slip. And besides, carrying condoms obviously just makes him SO gay’.