NewsBiscuit

Nigel Weston, a 43-year-old accountant from Cricklewood, was approached by a talent spotter from the male exotic dance troupe the Chippendales after a ‘raunchy and erotically mesmerising’ performance at the security gates of Dublin airport.

Weston’s eye-catching act started as he queued for a flight home to London behind a large and boisterous hen party on the way to Amsterdam. ‘I was running late and getting a bit jittery about missing my flight,’ began the usually reserved number cruncher, ‘so I may have been jiggling my feet a little and slipping my shoes on and off in preparation for submitting them for the obviously important security checks. I saw a couple of the hen night party look at me and nudge each other at that point, but thought nothing more of it. Little did I know it was soon to become one of the most electrifying moments of my life.’

The air of excitement built within the party of friends celebrating the imminent marriage of 29-year-old Niamh Doherty as Weston’s hesitant disrobing inadvertently took on a more flamboyant tone. ‘It was a new airport to me and they all seem to have different rules these days about what needs to go through the X-Ray machines,’ he explained, ‘I saw one man with what I thought was quite a lightweight jacket be asked to take it off, but then a lady wearing a bulkier looking tweedy thing was able to keep hers on, so I found myself with my suit jacket caught up off my shoulders and in my indecision it may have looked like I was sashaying a bit.’

This move caused a ripple of excited giggling to pass through the hen party, which soon turned to cheers and calls for Weston to ‘get ‘em off’ as he prepared to complete the next step of his security compliance preparations. ‘When I realised what was going on it was intoxicating,’ confided Weston, ‘reconciling a set of complex financial figures is very satisfying to me, but to have a group of late twenty-something women shriek in delight as I started wrestling with my belt buckle, well it does put that in perspective. By the time the security personnel had asked me to ‘whip out my laptop’, I’d got totally caught up in the moment. I think it’s what they call in the trade, doing the Full Monty.’

Unfortunately Weston did not have the chance to follow up on Chippendale offer, as Airport security had been called in to deal with the accountant who, surrounded by hysterical hens, was gyrating with his trousers around his ankles and his suit jacket swinging over his head, while refusing to remove a pink cowboy hat thrown to him by the whooping bride to be, and shouting manically about the ‘no touching!’ rule, as airport staff attempted to complete a manual frisking.

He has no plans to make a repeat performance at the local Mountjoy prison, where he is being held on remand for resisting arrest and breaches of aviation law.

Posted: Aug 2nd, 2009 by nealdoran