In a landmark court ruling with huge implications for Hollywood, the makers of the Will Ferrell comedy Land of the Lost have been ordered to refund over an hour and a half of ‘life’ back to Mr Kurt Latimer of Iowa, along with an extra hour and three hundred thousand dollars in expenses.
Mr Latimer had originally been tempted to see Land of the Lost after ‘quite enjoying’ the films Dodgeball and Anchorman on DVD, but was said to have been ‘completely unprepared’ for what followed. ‘My client is elated by this ruling’ a spokesperson for his legal team told the press outside the Supreme Court. ‘It’s time that Hollywood stopped blithely stealing hours of people’s lives with lame movies; from now on they will have to face the consequences.’
Originally Mr Latimer had claimed for a total of four-and-a-half-hours of life, ‘(because) the freakin’ film felt that long’, but after legal consultation, agreed to lower his claim to its actual 101 minute duration. The ruling has already sent shockwaves through Hollywood; a multiple suit has been filed against the makers of the Matrix sequels Reloaded and Revolutions for a total of four and half hours per plaintif – although the makers, the Wachowski Brothers, hope to argue in court that the films, and indeed time itself are illusory.
‘This is a terrible day for the industry’ commented Archie Wolf of Entertainment Magazine ‘and it’s not just Tinseltown that will suffer: I happen to know that Doubleday are getting hugely jittery about publishing the new Dan Brown novel The Lost Symbol, I mean what’s three days times eight and a half million – there’s no way they can afford that kind of payout?’
Reports that George Lucas has declared insolvency in advance have been denied by his agent. Meanwhile, Mr Latimer has told reporters that he is planning to spend his two hours gardening, in spite of a suggestion from his wife that they should really check out the new Adam Sandler movie Badgerman.