The nation’s flying ant population has announced that it will no longer be putting on aerobatic displays for their human neighbours, after yet another airborne event ended in failure today. The display, which took place at a rockery in Farnham, was the latest in a long line of events to be spoiled by panicky onlookers.
‘We plan these extravaganzas for months’ said a spokes-ant, ‘congregating in people’s back gardens and then bursting forth to astound our human friends with daredevil aerobatic stunts and the like. But every time it’s the same: our painstakingly choreographed formation flying is disrupted by people running around, waving their arms and shouting “Quick, get inside! Ooh they’re in my hair!”‘
Tired of this constant disruption, the national flying ant display team has decided that enough is enough. ‘Do they have any idea how much time and effort it takes to put on these air shows? Do they ever show any appreciation? No, they just act like headless aphids! Some of them even choke us with ant powder or pour boiling water onto our airstrips before we can even get off the ground!’
Effective as of today, all flying ant air shows are now cancelled, including the much-anticipated multi-species flying ant, swallow and swift three-day extravaganza, as insects up and down the country hang up their wings.
Conservation body Natural England has expressed its ‘dismay and regret’ at this announcement, and, until they can persuade the flying ants to once again take to the skies, is importing a swarm of South American killer bees as a stop-gap measure to keep the country entertained this summer.
8th August 2009