The Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced a trillion-pound plan to scrap the current British economy and buy a completely new one. In a briefing sent out to the governors of the Bank of England and other leading financiers, Alastair Darling explained the reason for this radical step.
‘As we all know, our current economy has been playing up for some time.’ he wrote. ‘Unfortunately the manufacturer’s guarantee ran out decades ago, and the previous administration failed to extend the warranty or take out extra insurance on the housing market during the property boom.’
‘Getting a man in to take a look at the economy would cost a fortune in standing charges alone, not to mention parts and labour, so I have concluded that we might as well buy a new one and recoup some of the cost by flogging the old one on eBay.’