Lone human being ruins wasps’ picnic

Wasps just having a nice day out with the little ones

A summer family reunion of a wasp colony was abandoned today after the irksome arrival of a persistent human being spoiled the occasion for all concerned. ‘It’s just bloody typical,’ said the colony’s Queen. ‘You wait all summer for a day that’s nice enough to eat outside and then the second the food arrives, the only homo sapien for miles starts buzzing around everyone, and waving a rolled up newspaper around. I swear they serve no useful evolutionary purpose other than to annoy us.’

The wasps had selected the perfect site for their picnic in one of the litter bins of the children’s paddling pool at Tooting Lido. ‘We had everything we needed for a lovely family meal; half empty coke tins, apple cores, abandoned ice creams, and the corpse of a dead squirrel that had been dumped in there earlier.’ But before long the wasps’ day out was disturbed by the constant harrassment from a human being and the Vespidae family soon disagreed on the best course of action for dealing with the unwelcome intruder. ‘All the blokes thought everyone should just stay still and it would leave us alone,’ explained a furious drone. ‘But the females couldn’t help themselves and kept flapping around every time it came near one of the kids. Of course that just made it angry. So then it started attacking us with a rolled up newspaper. It was really awful; the Daily Mail I think it was.’

The picnic was eventually disbanded in frustration after a second human flitted over and tried flicking at the wasps with a towel and arguing with the other human about whether a wasp dies when it’s stung you or not. ‘They are just such a nuisance,’ sighed the Queen. ‘But we’ll try to reschedule the party for later in the year. After all, if swine flu takes its natural course, they should all be dead by the winter.’

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Posted: Aug 27th, 2009 by

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