Heat magazine has today expressed concerns that Britain could be facing a serious shortage of pointless Z-list ‘celebrities’ following Channel 4’s announcement that it is to scrap Big Brother.
‘If something isn’t done we’re going to have no mindless pictures of the bloke who came fourth last year being drunk at a party or whatsername who came third three years ago looking a bit chubby on the beach. This is terrible news for the British public’ said Heat’s editor. ‘We may have to resort to importing foreign Z-listers.’
But Lord Mandelson was quick to reassure the public that there is nothing to worry about, pointing out ‘We’ve already ensured that qualifications are completely useless and that young people are growing up with no aspirations other than to be famous. This will ensure a perfectly adequate supply of wannabe no-hopers in the future.’