‘Little Miss Muffet is a cheating crack whore’ claims spider
‘She is a lying cheating bitch,’ claims the spider, ‘she was one of my girls, if you know what I mean, and she owes me money.’
Posted: Aug 29th, 2009
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Archive for August, 2009
Testcard girl poached by ITV
‘Testcard Girl’ and her co-star ‘Cuddly Clown’ kept viewers on the edge of their seats throughout the 60s
Posted: Aug 29th, 2009
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Queen decides to ‘pull the plug’ on Parliament after next term
Her Majesty the Queen has decided that the concept of a UK Government made up of popularly elected public representatives has ‘run it’s course’ and will not be opening Parliament after the next term of office.
Posted: Aug 28th, 2009
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Apple iPhone owner explodes with smugness
Jamie Connor, a graphic designer from Stoke Newington, died yesterday after a planned mountain bike trip to the recycling centre before heading for a Fairtrade organic Latte at the local co-operative coffee shop while listening to George Monbiot podcasts on his iPhone saw him suddenly explode with smugness.
Posted: Aug 28th, 2009
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Absent-minded husbands to be fitted with message recorders
After years of forgotten birthdays, hideously improvised shopping lists and unheeded warnings about drinking on an empty stomach, wives the world over were celebrating today as Nokia unveiled the first male-mounted answering-machine. The device, inserted in the pre-frontal lobe during a routine surgical procedure, records important messages missed during lapses in concentration, as well as verbatim accounts of all the man’s conversations during the last six months, allowing him to search back through forgotten exchanges for vital details like the names of his children and whether it is the Jews or the Muslims he must never mention in front of his father-in-law.
Posted: Aug 28th, 2009
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