Frustrated with the continual attempts to improve their town, the people of Dagenham today launched a campaign to ensure their place of residence remains ‘a stinking crap hole’. Campaigners are furious at the creeping gentrification which has seen the East London town’s image as a foetid cesspit re-branded as ‘gritty’ and ‘unpolished’, rather than their preferred adjective of ‘shite’. ‘They keep putting up all these new developments, but they’re just not in keeping with the litter-strewn streets and menacing hoodies,’ said the Mayor today. ‘It’s ruining the character of the place.’
Despite public support, the campaigners are under no illusions about the challenge of maintaining Dagenham’s status as a ‘site of special sociological interest’ after witnessing the difficulty experienced by one London council in its attempts to ‘Keep Westminster Clean’.