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Tough American cop fails to find informant in strip joint

"Nothing of interest here. I guess I'll just move along."When Seargeant Roy Myers of Precinct 14 on the mean streets of East Rutherford, New Jersey, heard that Joey ‘Fingers’ Dalessandro might know something about a recent spate of gangland murders, sources told him that he would be sure to find his man at the Little Darlings strip joint on Highway 36. His sources were wrong.

‘It seemed to add up,’ Myers admitted. ‘In the past, every time I’ve wanted someone, I show up and he’s there among the crowd of whooping. cheering men and drop-dead gorgeous strippers. Either that or the prettiest one in the place puts her foot on my knee in PVC boots, leans over me in a low-cut top and says something suggestively ambiguous about where to find my quarry.’

When he went into the establishment ten minutes out of town on Tuesday evening, Myers was non-plussed to find only eight sullen, overweight strippers and three men staring into their beers. Like the good cop he is, though, he went straight to work. ‘I asked one when Fingers had last passed through but she just carried on chewing her gum and said ‘Never heard of him. Wanna dance?’. Even the 20 dollars I gave her didn’t improve her memory, so I realised my information was wrong and left.’

The possibility that Fingers might have been in one of the three other strip joints on Highway 36 has occurred to the Precinct 14 squad. Unfortunately, strict quota rules dictate that only one strip joint can be visited on any given investigation, meaning that the murders may remain a mystery. The team have now moved on to their next case and are concentrating on raiding the homes of known suspects, only the find them in bed with attractive naked women in the middle of the day.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2009 by Oxbridge

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