Fast food giant McDonalds has announced plans to launch a meal for the depressed and desperate aimed specifically at people who comfort eat. The Unhappy Meal comes in a very large recyclable bag with reinforced handles and consists of five normal hamburgers, five normal cheeseburgers, three Big Macs, eight Chicken McNuggets, four litres of coke, fanta or sprite, four McFlurries, an apple pie and a free toy.
The selection of toys will change regularly but all will be shaped perfectly to fit down the consumer’s throat in order to induce vomiting. ‘This is a brand new concept for McDonalds and we are extremely excited,’ said UK marketing executive Brett Degg, ‘there is a clear need for binge eaters and bulimics to be able to get all their fast feast food in one place. We even supply a receptacle with which to bring the food up again, demonstrating our commitment to customer satisfaction. With all this at a keen price point of £6.99 we feel that the model is right and will be a great success.’
The new meal has drawn criticism from some politicians. Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg said, ‘I think it is a disgrace that in this day and age, we can offer these types of meals for public consumption. We need to think long and hard as to why there is a need for this, and the answer lies squarely with a failing Labour government that led us into a deep recession.’ John Prescott said, ‘I will certainly not be going to McDonalds again, although I must say if this offer had been available when I was comfort eating, it would have saved the taxpayer a fortune in my claims for food costs.’
Other fast food outlets are moving fast to compete with the ‘Unhappy Meal’. KFC are launching the ‘Barfing Bucket’ and the ‘Minger Meal’ while there will be a complete rebranding at ‘Pukin Donuts’. ‘But importantly it will still be possible to have a ‘happy meal’ admitted an anonymous McDonalds insider. ‘Just walk past us and go to your local caff.’