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Horse gives impassioned speech at Liberal party conference

Topper 'aims to be Prime Minister one day'A speech by a twelve year old stallion and lifelong activist called Topper has really brought this year’s Liberal Democrat conference in Bournemouth to life. Showing a passion for politics normally reserved for people with a real chance of winning an election, Topper began by outlining a series of policy initiatives aimed at bringing shire horses down a peg or two and making life easier for the ‘undervalued’ Shetland pony community.

‘This is the real Lib Dem movement in action,’ said excited leader Nick Clegg, dismissing accusations of policy being made on the hoof. ‘And you can buy lots of fridge magnets with pictures of me on, too,’ he beamed.

In a speech lasting over half an hour, Topper went through a whole series of pronouncements all aimed at a fairer society, reducing the cost of feed and rewarding those who carry on pulling stuff even though they no longer have to. Delegates were encouraged to show their support or otherwise by stamping a foot twice for yes, once for no.

With his landmark speech drawing to a close, Topper answered his own rhetorical question about what sort of hung parliament the party might consider joining by standing up on his hind legs and waving his genitals about to rapturous applause and not a few faintings from the assembled party faithful. And in what has become a Lib Dem tradition, the horse, in a widely expected but poetic finale, stated simply: ‘It all comes down to hay, and by the way, I’m Gay’ before going outside and shooting himself.

‘What a performance!’ nasaled Vince Cable. ‘That’s really raised the profile of the conference and shown that we are serious contenders for government. And tomorrow, for anyone who’s remotely interested, the key note speech will be about the problems of being multi-racial – and that’s by Trevor the zebra.’

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2009 by red

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